


picture of your face in an invisible locket

by glitterdiable (brujadelmar)



Series: RPDR UK Character study [2]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race UK RPF
Genre: Analysis, Canon Compliant, Character Study, F/F, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:20:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29726142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brujadelmar/pseuds/glitterdiable
Summary: Tayce likes dark, crude, real things but keeps her secrets well kept.
Relationships: A'Whora/Tayce (Drag Race)
Series: RPDR UK Character study [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2182743
Comments: 3
Kudos: 46





	picture of your face in an invisible locket

**Author's Note:**

> not revised

* * *

Tayce opens the windows in the mornings but doesn’t dare to leave the house when it’s cold. It’s the beginning of a locked and atypical fall and she can’t be at the seaside where she felt a bit better about everything. Instead, she’s stuck in London, staring at a new backyard, wearing the same pajamas that became some sort of a uniform. 

It’s Sunday and the days are shorter. She looks down and catches A’Whora tanning - or trying to, it’s no longer as warm as it was a month ago. It’s not usual, since no one can go out, but it’s funny to watch. Sometimes Tayce spills water on her, just to make her scream, to get a reaction; generally, she calls Tayce a hound, shows the middle finger and goes back to her napping under the sun. 

This time, Tayce just observes her. It feels surreal, the whole thing, no matter how long that’s been happening. The whole show, filming, filming being halted, going back home, watching the world go crazy, being locked, and then… being locked with A’Whora. 

A virus going around killing millions isn’t any news, she knows. It happened before. That she would end up living with a hook-up turned best friend, to be sharing everything with a person that she didn’t believe would be so important... improbable.

When she met A’Whora, she looked like one of those regular Grindr bottoms who believed that they were the next biggest thing, the most special person on Earth and you totally wanted them. Lip fillers, bitch face, and tons of bare ass pics. 

She was wrong, of course, but the realization didn’t come easily. It needed more than a couple of shags, bumping on each other in every club, hearing her name in every circle, and soon they were chatting about things on the subway home - they lived in the same neighborhood, oh, what a coincidence. She was a bit shy when it wasn’t about sex or work, when she couldn’t play the-hot-trophy-gay or the-fashion-bitch-in-the-house. Tayce was shocked to find that she came from a working-class family - she seemed one of those rich kids and their fancy degrees - and that she was working her ass off to pay her uni debts and her London life. 

They became friends. It was pretty easy, actually. There was this aura of, well, _this is one of my girls_ when they met at the clubs, or simply with friends. Tayce was pretty used to people hitting on her or just looking at her differently because she was pretty, but A’Whora had that special smile and treatment like she wanted to make sure that Tayce knew that she wasn’t just another fling.

Meeting her was always fun and sometimes they even chatted online. At that time, it was easy to be around her because it was about fun, sex and foolish games. They weren’t best friends and they didn’t have to see each other constantly. They met sometimes at gigs or parties, on the streets, casually and unexpectedly. Tayce genuinely liked her, but there wasn’t much to do with it. 

Around this time, Tayce wasn’t intimidated by A’Whora’s ambition or caught by her problems.

  
  
  


. 

  
  


It wasn’t a surprise when they met on the show. They both knew they would be there and they also knew some of the other contestants. Tayce wasn’t particularly afraid of A’Whora because, despite liking her works, she wasn’t known for being a big name or being well-liked. Some people even had questioned if such a limited queen was a good choice, and she heard it without giving much thought. 

Tayce left such a small place and she was focused on becoming someone remarkable; she carried the weight of being a model for her siblings and she chose a hard path for that. She only did it because she was sure that she was good at that. She was born to be a performer and she was finally going to show how much potential she had. She was glad to know a couple of queens there, especially someone that she was acquainted with. 

Ah, the feeling of looking at someone and then being hit by the memories. Months later, Tayce was shocked to watch how she looked at A’Whora or how they were gravitating towards each other. 

They became closer during the show and then it was interrupted. 

  
  


.

  
  
  


Tayce had a thing for being happy. 

She liked to smile and see things in a positive way; being attached to bad feelings wasn’t something she wanted. Actually, she wanted to become as independent as she could, from anything and anyone, flying far, far away from anything that could restrict her. 

And she was stuck at home, nowhere to go. Times were darker and she didn’t like it. She didn’t like being stuck, didn’t like having any options, not even being allowed to go home to her family, where she could at least breathe. 

When she was a child, her city was too small for her and now London was the same and she couldn’t even escape. 

.

She kept talking to A’Whora and it wasn’t shocking that, in her very analytical hands, the problem was soon solved. 

Tayce was moving in. 

What a weird move, she thought and shrugged it off. 

.

  
  


Tayce didn’t like to share her important things. 

She liked to show what she had best, of course. Her talent, her smile, her good energy. Sometimes she got mad and had this angry, annoyed and stubborn energy, like anyone else, but it was fleeting. Even during her angry fits, she liked it to be elegant and composed. 

What was the use of showing people her pain? Was the use of opening the ugly parts for everyone to touch and then offer nothing in return? 

So she was always excited, happy, and contagious - when she met A’Whora, they used to connect quickly, expanding energy and crazy adventures. Tayce would suggest something and she would follow, laughing, always. The first time she saw A’Whora crying was in the show and it was a bit paralyzing. 

Tayce wasn’t good with things that she had never learned to handle. 

She didn’t want people knowing about who she fucked, what she was afraid of, or was sad about. Those were her things to keep. The older kid, the leading one, the responsible one, the talented shining star, she wasn’t raised to show weakness or to look down. She was proud, confident, and unbeatable. 

Well, A’Whora wasn’t like that. And walking in A’Whora’s place was the same as drowning in her world. 

A world of anxiety and overthinking. 

Sometimes she just stopped and stared at the walls, not responding like a broken machine. Tayce knew A’Whora’s bad days when she just avoided mirrors or stared at them incessantly. Or when she just stopped talking, interacting, and retreated back to her room. 

Tayce had tons of things to worry about, but those things never caught her. In A’Whora’s case, it seemed to be a part of her, a necessary tool to survive, a wave of criticism and dissatisfaction. 

It wasn’t always like that. Good days were good. She would sing horribly and dance, laugh ridiculously and make jokes, resembling the fun, bitchy persona that Tayce met. It was good to spend time with her and forget about the world outside, but that was also dangerous. 

Tayce didn’t have a relationship like this with anyone. She grew with a big family and then moved to a big city. She didn’t date anyone seriously, never had lived together with people she slept with. And, as she made sure to affirm when they were in the show, they were friends and they had always been and whatever happened between them was their business alone, something that would fit better their past selves, when they were just neighbors having fun. 

Tayce didn’t think that A’Whora wanted more than that. She knew A’Whora liked her, that they had something going on, but none of them wanted to date each other. Tayce was focused on success and anything else was secondary. A’Whora… she seemed to like the single life way too much and Tayce seriously couldn’t imagine her settling down. 

But now they were sharing everything, living together, locked together. 

She knew A’Whora relied on her and at this point, she had to admit that she also relied on A’Whora and couldn’t even picture the two of them not being friends. 

It was such an easy partnership, an electric feel between them that convinced Tayce that they should be always together, and should be taking over the world together. Tayce was genuinely happy for her and wanted her to succeed as well. 

But well, the attraction wasn’t dead yet. 

A’Whora was very loud about it, no matter how Tayce would try to keep her quiet. She stared, sometimes, way too much. When she was happy, she would say filthy things, a sort of provocative act disguised as an innocent play. 

Tayce didn’t want them back to what they were used to. Now, it wasn’t safe. It would mess things up, end in a way that would set them apart. A’Whora didn’t care about that, which was ironic, because she was strategic about most things and Tayce was the spontaneous one. 

  
  


.

Tayce is trying to cook breakfast at eleven a.m when A’Whora walks in.

“Brunch?” Tayce suggests, shaking a dirty spoon.

“I can’t, diet,” A’Whora whines, as always, covering her shoulders with a towel. “I’m so pale. It’s so cold outside.”

Tayce laughs, mocking her. 

“What did you expect? Getting a tan in late September?”

A’Whora shrugs, walking out. She’s in a good mood, no longer isolating herself to overthink. Tayce knows what she stresses about but never interferes. It’s not something that she can change, after all. 

“Do you want to watch a movie?” Tayce screams. 

“Maybe later,” She screams back. “Gonna take a nap.”

Tayce finishes her breakfast and tries to find something to distract herself; it’s Sunday and there’s not much to do. Back home, her family will be having a nice dinner and now she’s alone. A’Whora’s phone starts to ring and she’s nowhere to be seen. Tayce can see it’s because of Instagram and the latest sexy (naked butt) picture she posted. There will be tons of comments about how they love the content - Tayce was once one of them, months and even years ago. 

It’s always a reminder that they can’t get too attached, even if she tells herself it’s dumb. Soon they’ll be famous and it’s going to be worse. There’s a huge price to pay for that proximity and that they may know about things they shouldn’t. 

Tayce keeps this annoying feeling very deep inside her, where no one is able to see. 

  
  


.

  
  


“You guys are, like, married,” Bimini says, holding a glass of wine. “That’s cute.”

“House mates,” Tayce reminds her, holding a pan. “Can you eat butter?”

“Butter is milk, milk comes from a cow,” Bimini explains patiently. 

“How am I going to cook like that?” Tayce is lost. “I love you, but that’s insane.”

Bimini, which is such a calm person, smiles in a devilish way. She just arrived at their door like that, in the middle of Tayce’s practice and A’Whora wasn’t even at home yet. 

“That’s insane, you two,” Bimini rubs two fingers together. 

“Ah, please, grow up,” Tayce complains. “Is that why you came here?”

“Nope, I wanted free wine,” she raises the glass, “and I got it.”

She stays and it’s fun to see how A’Whora is happy to see her. It’s another side of her that Tayce found out - the desire to connect to people, make friends. A’Whora face times, writes messages, calls, posts pictures, always interacting.

.

  
  


Bimini leaves. A’Whora spends the following days in a bad mood. 

It drives Tayce insane, the way that A’Whora’s thoughts are so loud that her face translates them perfectly. Worrying, analyzing, hyperfixating. 

Tayce asks and A’Whora dismisses it for the first time. Not whining, not complaining, not angry, or avoiding. It’s like looking in a mirror and it bothers Tayce, but she also dismisses it. 

.

  
  


The show calls them back and they have tons of fun. Both are very different now. A’Whora is more confident and daring, letting go of the bitchy facade to be simply her fun self. 

“You look alike,” Ellie observes when they’re eating at the hotel. 

“Huh?” Tayce asks. 

“You two moved in together and now you look alike,” Ellie explains. “Your personalities, I mean.”

“We coordinate looks,” Tayce pretends not to hear the last part because it’s horrifying. 

She is, in fact, overanalyzing. 

  
  


.

  
  


A’Whora cries when she’s drunk. It’s hilarious because it’s the third stage. First, she gets loud, then horny… and when it’s least expected, she cries like a baby. 

They’re alone and Tayce is trying to make her move, sit on the couch, just react instead of crying her eyes out. 

“Leave me alone, I told you,” she pouts. “I want to cry.”

“Why?” Tayce starts to laugh. “Aren’t you happy? Oh, god, you’re so drunk, girl.”

She stops and nods slowly. 

“I’m happy. So happy,” she agrees. “But I’m sad too, at the same time, and I want to cry. I’m not like you, I can be sad. It’s fine.”

Tayce stops laughing, leans her head to stare at her. 

“I can’t be sad?”

A’Whora stares back at her, wiping her eyes. She tries so hard, Tayce knows. She tries hard to look pretty, to make everything look perfect, she works hard too. There were two A’Whoras and Tayce met both of them. One was for fun, the other was to keep. But Tayce is always herself. She doesn’t have a persona. That’s her name, that’s her. What you see is what you get. 

“I wouldn’t know,” A’Whora snorts sarcastically. “It’s not like I can figure that out.”

“That’s a bit harsh,” Tayce complains genuinely. “Don’t you think so? I’m sad now.”

“You’re mocking,” A’Whora accuses. “You’re always mocking me.”

“I’m not,” Tayce is serious. “Why would I? You’re my friend. I care about you, I’m not mocking you. Was I a bad friend before?”

A’Whora sighs and she looks and sounds like she’s sober. Tayce doesn’t know what to expect anymore. 

“No,” she announces. “But you’re not the kind of friend that I need right now.”

And she walks away so simply as if she wasn’t refusing to move before. Tayce watches her go, always a bit shook when that A’Whora appears, that dark, worrying side of her, because they do adore each other and she likes when A’Whora needs her and wants her around, but, in the end, there is no lie. The more they get closer and attached, the more there’s something lacking, something missing, something lost between them. 

They can’t leave each other and can’t be together and it’s addicting. Deep down, together with the crude, harsh, dark, and raw things that Tayce loves and keeps, she knows that she worships that bittersweet and dangerous feeling that A’Whora gives her.

* * *

  
  
  



End file.
